We have always been blessed because we’ve had an easy time conceiving all of our children. We’ve never had to worry about doctors, testing, or expenses. I am truly thankful for that gift. That’s not to say, however, that I wasn’t fully capable of being a mess when were trying to conceive, especially with our third child.
We Wanted to Plan the Arrival
After having had Miss Moo in October and Miss Roo in April, I knew I wanted to avoid being pregnant again during the summer if I could. When we decided we wanted a third child, we did the math and decided that we wanted a March/April arrival at the earliest. We had never “tried” to get pregnant before, so this was uncharted territory for us. Unlike with the girls, this meant I actually had to pay attention to ovulation signs and when we need to try to make things happen. I became a bit obsessed with tracking my cervical mucus, body temperature, and other ovulation signs I personally experienced. I kept a chart of when I thought I’d ovulated. I was quite clear to Drew about when I needed his help. Overall, I was a bit drill sergeant like about the whole process.
I Knew I Had Ovulated
I was standing in the kitchen on July 16, 2012 making spaghetti. Drew had come into the room to chat and I turned to face him, placing my back to the sink. I was about to start a sentence about something regarding dinner, and I felt myself ovulate. You’d think that knowing I’d ovulated would settle my nerves. Not in my case. I became a wreck. I compulsively started researching the average length from ovulation to conception and then in turn to implantation. I marked dates in my phone with alerts. I began buying pregnancy tests. I started worrying about my caffeine intake. I was a mess.
I Tested
I am an overzealous test taker. I buy multipacks and justify them in my head as saving money. And then I take them, DAILY. I wait until the first possible day they could be positive and then I just can’t stop taking them. I try to hide the fact that I’m obsessing, but I don’t do it well. This last time it was so bad that Drew suggested that I go to my parents for a few days to “get my mind off things.”
I Had Implantation Bleeding
The last day I was at my parents, I woke up to a bit of bleeding. I was worried it was my period, so I took a test (that I had packed with me unbeknownst to Drew) and got a negative result. A bit sad and deflated, I now KNEW at least and went about my day. When I arrived home that night, I was moving furniture and Drew mentioned that might not be a good idea. I told him there was no baby because I had a little bleeding that morning. We agreed we’d keep “trying” and at least I could have a glass of wine with dinner that night.
But, There WAS a Baby
The next morning, Miss Moo had gymnastics and then we had errands. In my haste to get out of the house, I hadn’t had time for a cup of full octane coffee. After her class, we ran to Target for whatever it was we needed and I delightfully ordered a coffee. I added my raw sugar and splash of cream. I raised the cup and took a sip. And I almost threw up. That had only happened to me TWO other times in my life. I walked right to the pregnancy tests and bought one. Off to the bathroom we went. I took the test right there in Target and it was INSTANTLY pink. All that stress, speculation, worry and disappointment for nothing. Bubba was there and I was elated. A little embarssed , but elated!
In Short, It’s Okay to Obsess
Why? Because it’s normal. Trying to get pregnant or just allowing it to happen when it happens is full of emotion, wonder, and unknowns. No matter what happens, your life is changing as you start down your path toward parenthood. It’s okay to worry and obsess. We all do it in one way or another. For me, it was in testing and researching. For others it may be burying themselves in cooking, cleaning, listening to music, whatever their stress outlet may be. Just know that you aren’t alone- women all around you are going through the same thing. And we’re here to support you in your journey to motherhood.
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