Image by NaturegirlJolieツ
By Malissa, Contributing Writer
Intimacy in any relationship can be tricky. Let’s be honest- life happens. Jobs cause stress, schedules are full, families can be demanding, and we all have times when we just struggle with one thing or another. Add a pregnancy into the equation and it can make the idea of intimacy overwhelming with all the changes going on in your body, your mind, and your life. I can honestly say on pregnancy 3 for us, it isn’t any easier and it’s not a topic that you can always talk to your friends and family about.
I wanted to share a few ideas that Drew and I use to makes sure that the “two of us” in this house stays as strong and happy as the ever growing “US” of our family.
Schedule Together Time
I stay pretty queasy for at least the first 10-12 weeks of any pregnancy. This time around it was 17 weeks before I started feeling better. Feeling sick, tired, and drained all the time can take a toll on a marriage – no matter how understanding your spouse is to symtoms you are experiencing. I knew I was neglecting our relationship because I just couldn’t get myself to feel better in general, much less well enough to be together. I talked to Drew about my symtoms and concerns and we decided to schedule together time in bed.
I don’t mean that we forced sex, we just stated that we would lay down together for a while and just be together. Spending time in an intimate, personal space helped us to communicate emotions, fears,and thoughts that we were experiencing as well as the ability to touch one another to reconnect and reassure one another.
It also helped me to relax and let go of tension, which helped my symtoms, my mindset, and my point of view on being together. Just being together can lead to sexual and non-sexual intimacy that every marriage needs.
Date Night
Go on a date. I can’t encourage this enough. Just the word date carries a certain interpretation and romantic notion that can be music to a couple’s ears. Going on a date means focusing on one another, leaving the kids you may have in good hands, and doing something that is for the two of you. It’s very easy in a pregnancy to get caught up on the baby and the mom – and sometimes that omits the dad and the marriage.
You MUST plan time that is just for the two of you. You don’t have to do anything expensive or grand, but simply something that means something to the core “two of us” that founded your relationship. Drew and I have made time for more dates this pregnancy because we neglected this when I was pregnant the 2nd time around. It has helped us to recenter ourselves. Dates give us time to hold hands, giggle, steal kisses, and just be a couple in love. Every marriage needs that from time to time.
“Babymoon”
This term has surfaced a lot in the last few years. The first time I heard it I was young and single and thought the notion sounded silly. Now that I am sitting here, great with my 3rd child, it sounds like music to my ears. Simply stated, a Babymoon is a “trip” alone with your husband before your baby is born.
I say “trip” because this time for us it’s more like a night alone away from the girls. You can go somewhere out of town, or get an overnight sitter and go to local restaurant or hotel. You can also get a friend, family member/grandparent to take the kids for a night and schedule a dinner date/trip at your place. Whatever the scenario, having at least a night completely alone to focus on one another is great for the “two of us” about to add +1.
You can talk without interruption. You can eat a meal you choose. You can watch any tv/movie you want. You can go out or just stay in. You only have to worry about your bedtime. You can dress up or dress down. It’s just about the two of you.
Get “Pretty”
Sometimes it is difficult for me to remember during pregnancy, especially as I near the end, that Drew still finds me beautiful. I see all the changes and flaws in my ever-growing body, but he sees the woman that he loves giving him the gift and blessing of a child. I worry that I’m fat and he covets the baby making my belly swell. Two completely different perspectives. So, I try to get pretty.
I do my hair, put on some makeup, wear some sparkle and a dress. I pull out something with lace or a lipstick I haven’t worn in a year. Perhaps I even splurge and get someone to paint my toenails. I make myself “pretty”. I feel better. I feel confident. I feel sexy. And THAT helps create some time for intimacy.
Remember It Won’t Last Forever
Pregnancy is really a short stroll on the timeline of being a parent. Sometimes it is difficult to see from this side of the belly, but your physical body will change back. You will have times when you want to be together. You will feel sexy again.
Everything you are feeling as a couple is normal and will be fine with a little work. Even though you are the one who is pregnant, it is the two of you who are experiencing the pregnancy – together. Be there for one another. Talk about how you feel. Be sure to touch one another. Soon enough, you’ll have a baby by your side and a new outlook on life and love. And a whole new journey to experience as the two of you.
How do you manage intimacy during pregnancy? Do you experience more or less togetherness with your spouse?
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